kah2004's Diaryland Diary

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i can't stand this alone

-Please read-

i'm doing what i have to do. i can't stand in front of this wave alone... it's too big and will knock me down if i don't seek out someone to stand by me. i'm doing that. i need to. 2 ppl came to mind... and i got a hold of one of them. i need to say what i didn't have the courage to say before. i'll tell my story this time... and not hold back. i need to let someone know that... i can't do this alone... and that i need help. i'm trying... and so all i can do is continue on with trying.

i talked to coach misty about Coach. i apologized about snapping at her-- about me feeling like no one was taking into consideration how hard i work and have always worked-- that i know what i'm doing and that i've been doing it since 7th grade. it helped. and the fact that she said the Coach thinks highly of me and that i have perfect form-- that i am a very positive person and she can see how being around someone like brenda could be hard...

i don't know what made me say that to her. but i'm very glad. i got teary-eyed when i said i've been putting up w/ being in someone's shadow my whole life... but the fact that i told her how i felt... about Coach and brenda and Coach Dennis giving me "Most Improved 2002" for last track season... i explained how it was nice after 3 yrs of being under Coach that someone was taking notice of how hard i worked and that Coach Dennis payed attention to me-- not concentrating on the "fast ppl" like Coach seems to do. she mentioned that maybe i should tell him this-- him being a psychologist and all-- he may not even realize he does it.

i'm happy about what i've done today. that i talked to coach misty about that. and dusty helped too. we haven't really talked since he's back and all... and him just asking and talking w/ us helped. it was nice to have that common thought about coach and brenda. i'm happy i'm asking for help. i can't keep this under wraps... i need to get it out in the open. this wave will be hitting hard in a few moments... and now i know i won't be standing alone in front of it.

4:25 PM - 04.03.03 Thursday

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