kah2004's Diaryland Diary



Well, we meet again. Newly dumped after 6mos, during which I thought things were going fine and had become a nice routine and comfortable and good... Was definitely blindsided and once I realized he was going to break up with me I couldn't stop crying... And now cannot sleep and am having nightmares. Oh yes, again.

I'm tired of not being enough, of taking a chance for something good and on someone and in the end being left for something new, different, and exciting. When will I be enough, when will I be good enough?

Well will I have the chance to fall in love again? I thought I had found that chance but he dumped me right as I was feeling more... And now I'm left with all these feelings and missing him like crazy and just wanting to go back to that Friday night, lying with him, talking with him... Wanting more moments like that and knowing I will not get any more, at least not with him. He doesn't want me.

So, I lie here, trying to compensate the feeling of him sleeping next to me with my body pillow,knowing it cannot snuggle me and wrap it's arms around me and know it will not hug me close and kiss me good night.

Dammit, now I am crying again. And, the worse part is that I was falling for him, slowly but oh so ever surely and now I'm just hurting, painfully aware of how much I care about him and of how he will never know.

Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? I'm starting to think no, it really is not.

I just want to be loved....will that ever happen?

1:05 AM - 06.12.13 Wednesday


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