kah2004's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

looking for love... in the physical sense *wink*wink*

here's a couple things to share...

Subject: 10 ways a handgun is better than a woman

#10 You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
#6 Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
#5 A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN:
#1 You can buy a silencer for a handgun...

Subject: Quote of the Day

Chris Rock's quote of the day:
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', Dick', and Colon'. Need I say more?"

Subject: Green Side Up

A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, and she points out the colors she wants.

She says, " Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige, very soft and warm." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it.Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"

The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up!"

The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide. They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up!"

This is too much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window "Green side up!" What on earth does that mean?" The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four blondes laying sod across the street."

Subject: A Man

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend, hunting with the boys & spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly 2 hours with a tirade about his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him "How would like it if you didn't see me for 2 or 3 days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday & Wednesday came and went and he didn't see her.

On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his eye.

Subject: Burma Shave

For those of you who never saw the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930s and 1940s. Before the Interstates, when everyone drove the old 2-lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields. They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet, and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream.

DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT

DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING

BROTHER SPEEDER,
LET'S REHEARSE;
ALL TOGETHER,
GOOD MORNING NURSE

CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND LOTS MORE STEER

SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT

THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED HIM TO
A WARMER HEMISPHERE

AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NEW CAR
WASN'T IT?

NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU

A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'

AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT ITS HARD TO PLAY

BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE

THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING

CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.

��And finally...........

PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW

That's all folks...

good day today... 2 hours cleaning and later I went up to Katie's and she showed me how to work the cash register and I gotta ring up some customers. good experience... and I'm happy for the oportunity.

my bros and my cuz are coming down for the 4th to help up watch for fires & drunken stupid ppl with fireworks... don't want any beach grass fires! those are NEVER any good!

oh yes rented how to loose a guy in 10 days and maid in manhattan last nite. good movies both. funny thing happened while watching the movie... the phone rang and Tommy (my aunt's cat) went running off in the direction of the phone! I turned to my aunt and asked "does he think he can answer the phone or something?" she laughed and i commented "i guess you weren't kinding when you said he thinks he's human!" too funny!

so talked to ppls online... the few who are on, tho. didn't get a chance to ask what i wanted to ask... to show what i wanted to show... but... oh well... such is life!

got friends of my aunt's visiting so i'm off to visit with 'em!

hope you all are enjoying the weather and hope you all make some GREAT plans for the Fourth of July!!

8:29 PM - 07.02.03 Tuesday

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next