kah2004's Diaryland Diary

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I am amazed by YOU...

found out some astonishing news today... talking to Kat (haha for about wha--2 or 3 hours?) and she told me that when she found out i was elected Prez, she asked the Seniors who had counted the votes and they said (Ty was one of 'em) that I got all the votes except for like, 50 or so... talked about amazement.

see, the thing is... my perception of myself is not as high as you'd think... talking to Lindberg, oh... a few months ago... she was talking to me about leaving an impression on ppl and how that's all i really wanna do... is for ppl to always remember me so that no matter what happens... i know i won't be forgotten... i guess that's one of my worst fears, up there dying w/ this feeling of having been unloved. but Lindberg made a point (one that i feel rather self-centered admitting to) that i've made an impression on the entire school, my peers, any teach who knows me, the SSC, Laughlin, the office ppl... i'm not easily forgotten... and it... i don't know...

all i can say is to everyone who voted for me... thank you for showing me that i DO make an impression on ppl... i never really feel like i'm noticed... hell, i always wanted to be noticed, if not by who you'd think... growing up feeling "unloved" has led me to this need... this, well, almost an obession, something that its ingrained in my being-- one that has made me who i am today.

i try and treat ppl how i'd want to be treated, to, i guess, ensure that the kindess will be returned, therefore ensuring that they won't forget me...

i can't thank you enough, Taylor's Kat, by what you said... I don't know if you're reading this... but I'll be sure to tell you to... the fact that this coming school year, you want to hang out w/ me more and get to know my friends more... I feel honored. I told you, I never really gave you a chance, but all I can say is that I'm glad I did, this past year... b/c you're a great friend and I hope my friends see that, too. You probably don't even realize how much you and the rest of the "french" group cheered me up those days when I was feeling like a nobody, like someone who didn't deserve life... even tho no one @ school was the cause of these feelings... it still helped that you enforced the feeling that i AM loved... if not by my family-- definitely by my peers.

I can only hope that my friends will embrace you and give you the chance to show them the awesome, sweet, funny girl you are... someone I am proud to call my friend. Something I said tonite... what was it... oh yeah... that I just try and give ppl the chance most ppl don't... everyone deserves a chance, and until that chance, I try and not judge them, tho I am human and make mistakes.

Its funny how this entry was prompted... Ana... me & Kat were talking about you & Jason and how ppl (underclassmen) were talking crap about you and how you weren't good enough for Jason (they obviously liked him) and ya know what? when Kat heard this she turned around and told those ppl off... "Do you even KNOW who Diana is? b/c she's a very good friend of a good friend of mine and I'd appreciate it if you'd stop talking about her until you are out of my listening distance..." She says that anytime she heard someone talking shit... she was damn sure to tell them to knock it off. She says you're a sweet & great person and that she wants to get to know you better.

Most ppl don't like her, and she knows that... but she made it clear that she's happy to call me a friend and I can only agree that that feeling goes both ways... I'm glad ya moved away from your dad to the Ridgetop apartments, Kat... I'll be seeing ya around the 15th!!

another thing... to ALL my friends... I cannot express how amazed I am by each and every one of you... no matter how long I've known you... you don't fail to surprise me in all that you do. Know that you are loved by me... that I hope that you all are safe and happy, and that you are doing well... and that I am thinking of you all and can't wait to finish our years of high school as your President.

Gratitude is just a word, but a very strong feeling... to know that I'm remembered by you all... and that I can call you my friends... it helps me thru the rough times and reminds me that I can't give up this life I call mine...

I don't know why I'm writing this... but all I know is this...

hope everyone has a fun summer!!

EDIT: just wanted to say I took one o' mine own quizzes (like on left) and got the following link (took the quiz "How YOU doing...?")....

11:44 PM - 07.24.03 Thursday

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