kah2004's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -FATE- It's fate... I swear! Two weeks are up tomorrow and codemannmann comes home from Hawaii. The ASB retreat was cancelled and will be just a meeting on Tuesday starting @ 8 am. I called Stephani Rants and got the news and then called Diana back... She says, "I guess it was important..." because when I mentioned previously about calling Stephani, she had said, "Well, whatever it is it can wait until tomorrow..." hee hee... so weird how the little things like this turn out right... all I know is he flies in on the 18th... no clue what time, tho... I *hope* its early b/c then he'd be home later so I could call him... wonder how bad Chelsea left the house... bet she threw a party... Today... was the first time I said it out loud to a family member... my cuz Sarah asked about my plans and I said, "OC for 2 years... major in business and /or managing and possible minor in writing..." *DEEP BREATH* now all I gotta do is tell my 'rents that, 'specially my dad... *UGH* My dad's going on a hike tomrrow and my mom leaves @ 8 AM to take a ferry to Seattle... so it'll pretty much be just me... b/c Dylan (I believe) has class still Mon-Thur... SHIT... I hope he doesn't get sick again... FUCK... *CROSSES FINGERS* I pray he won't get sick... I now have the perfect outfit... one that makes me feel sexy, smart, confident... and I absolutely adore it! It consists of a golden-yellow halter-top I got from JCPenny's Saturday for 3 bucks and my white capris... Yellow & white... the two colors that I've always looked GOOD in... *GIGGLES* If I already had my license and either my mom or my dad weren't gonna be gone tomorrow, I'd have my car (Dad takes the Camry on his hikes) or the Subaru and I'd put on this outfit and go walk the mall or something... That reminds me... I have -too- damn much on my mind and b/c of what a friend said... I'm thinking of trying to see a shrink ...or SOMETHING... because sometimes a girl's gotta unload her own shit... but at the same time... I need to find someone to help me carry some "thoughts" friends share w/ me... b/c... I may seem strong, but I need to REALLY get a load off of my chest... and ppl are ppl so I know I gotta find SOMEONE before KAH implodes... and, no, I don't mean explode... I hide it inside until it takes over... Hmmm... know what? I just realized one of the reasons I want a b/f so badly... he'd give me continued support (like only a b/f can) and would give me a different perspective on looking at things... *SIGH* but mostly... I just need to fill this want of having someone who will always support me... the kind of support only a boyfriend can give... It's just that I'm a damn good listener... but I'm damn freaking picky when it comes to talking to ppl-- I mean having someone ELSE listen to me while I unload... ya know? Chris was right... it's a helluva lot easier to talk to strangers... hence the reason why psychiatrists make so damn much $$$... lucky them... *TAKES DEEP BREATH* ... I think its time for me to bust out the phone and catch up/unload w/ someone... b/c this girl is getting close to TOO FULL of others' thoughts, fears, and feelings... I can see myself pushing my own thoughts, fears, and feelings under the current of their thoughts, fears, and feelings instead of up ontop as a top priority. I don't like to feel TOO FULL! I need to clear my head in time for the new & FINAL school year...
-KAH- [almost drowning...] can -you- save me...? 10:13 PM - 08.17.03 Sunday ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||