kah2004's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Trust, such a fickle creation.... One thing I have learned about myself as of late is this: I do not know how to trust people any more. Case in point, I've stopped pushing, caring, trying. Friends that do not return my call do not get another call. I rarely talk on the phone and rarely text message anyone. When given the opportunity to have a real conversation, I rarely actually trust the person. And the holidays are certainly not helping. Add to the fact that my current job has me dealing with the public and many people ask if I am spending holidays with family and when I say I have no family in town and they never visit, I always get a "I'm sorry." After about ten of them, it starts to get under my skin and get me down. I always play if off because I'm at work and have to stay professional, but my instinct is to curl up in bed and shut out the world. And then someone apologizes and really tries to get me to talk... against my better judgement (not a good track record), I opened up and let it all out. Yes, I cried and I need someone and for the first time in a very long while, someone was actually there for me. I'm still... trying to sort of ignore that it ever happened, as I know that situations of this nature never really work out when I really, truly need someone to lean on. Can I just sleep through the next two months? Gah, the thought of my birthday, right around the corner does not excite me. It pisses me off and the reason being a good friend took me out last year, but on her birthday (for the last two years) I never got to see her much less take her out to buy her a drink. Next year, I don't really want to celebrate with such a fickle friend. I want to be surrounded by true friendships... If only I could find someone... 4:47 PM - 12.04.11 Sunday ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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