kah2004's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In Which The Heroine Realizes Her Greatest Weakness Tonight, I realized a truth about myself. I have built my life through my support and strength for others. When I have always conquered and pushed and carried them, I was strongest and could take on the world. This last year has been my greatest enemy. I have lost those I was champion to and my strength has left with them. I've had to rework my entire support system and it has left me breathless, broken and alone. I have no support system but myself and as much as I once thought possible, I cannot hold up the entire world. I am not Atlas. So, this girl fell, slowly but surely, her world crumbled. All the things she once prided herself in, were all swept out of her life on the incoming tide. She was washed ashore, barely breathing, mangled and broken. Barely surviving, she moved slowly to a safe place on the rocky beach and attempted to find shelter. Slowly, over the months, this girl built a shelter for herself, one to protect from the wind and rain and cold. A place warm and comfortable. But, she didn't have the strength to leave it and explore. Once, she would have lead the charge to map out and discover this strange land, but now, all she has the strength to do is to forage for wood to burn fires with and enough food to not starve. Every once in awhile, another shipwrecked soul washes ashore. But, soon, its apparent these others are stronger and set off without her, staying with her for only enough time to find rations and to dry off. Broken and limping, she tries to follow, but quickly tires and stumbles back to her shelter. With each new dawn, she rises hoping to feel stronger, safer, more ready to set off on her own, but always stumbles and realizes how broken she still is. She still needs time to mend. So she continues her small existence, slowly mending and healing with each day. Some days, she attempts too much and struggles to find comfort for her tired body. Some nights, she lies awake, willing to feel healthy and mended, but loses the healing power that only deep sleep may provide. Other days, she finds new things to nourish herself with and new ways to make a better shelter, to feel warmer, to feel safer. And on those days, she sleeps through the night, mending a little more each time. Someday, she hopes she can find her way back, someday she hopes to overcome and to be strong enough again. Someday, maybe she'll find some help along the way. There's always someday, and each day she takes a step closer to that day. 3:24 AM - 12.11.11 Sunday ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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