kah2004's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Be happy, its good for your health! Ever feel so tired, so bone-dead tired that if you fell asleep, you don't know if you'd wake up anytime soon? That was me this past Sunday. Come Monday, my day off, I had to crawl out of bed early for a two-hour staff meeting @8am. One of the few pleasures I allow myself is sleeping in, when I can. But, I sucked it up and went (it was mandatory) and instead of going home and crashing, I went outside. Normally, this would be easy to avoid, but the bright shining sun was calling my name and the warmth of 39* weather made it seem enjoyable. Don't call me crazy, it was roughly 25* when I left for the staff meeting, yuck! So, I decided to send holiday cards this year. After a long talk with a friend that ended in her saying "I know you'll do the right thing. You always do," I found some spirit and made a list. The reason I've been a grinch about holidays this year has the added bonus of last year's upset and why I detest FB more and more. Last year, I was inspired by this mini-snowman globe ornaments with names on them and proceeded to mail them out to anyone and everyone I could think of. Plus holiday cards and other gifts. They were sent around the country to old friends, family and people once special in my life. And normally, you'd expect a call, thank you card or maybe email thanking me for the gifts and thoughtfulness, right? WRONG. I received two cards in reply and multiple fing FB messages. I was so pissed I'm sure I cried. What's the point of someone taking the time to send a gift if no one says thank you? Aren't those manners and human courtesy? I was determined to not spend what meager funds I had to send out cards (no gifts, not worth the $$$) but then I received postcards in the mail from this same dear friend. And, on a horrible, no good, shitty day, no less. Reading the postcard, I smiled a genuine smile for the first time that day (at 9pm at night, no less). And was determined her new address would get some mail love from me. So here I am, still wanting to send cards, but having no faith in the humankind. Over and over ove been disappointed and I don't get my hopes up any more. Back to yesterday. While milling around town and running errands, I found a magnet with a quote from Voltaire that really struck home for me. And anyone who really knows me, is aware of how much I love quotes and cards and things that make a difference and bring a smile to my face. The quote is from a book her wrote, saying, "I have decided to be happy, because it is good for my health." These words spoke to me. They reached me in a way the words of other friends have not, lately. The photo on the magnet is one of those old-timey photos of a bunch of ladies is a boat, smiling and having a good time. It reminds me I can have a good time again. It reminds me, I can smile again. It reminds me there is a light shining out from under those clouds and that each new dawn brings another opportuniy to smile. It makes me remember.
And that's a hard pill to swallow, especially for one who has abandonment issues stemming from being an intern'l adoptee. I'm going to seriously start looking into jobs again. And into my current living situation. I do like living alone, but at the same time, want to be around ppl... if only there was a way to make that work.
I can be happy.... its good for my health... its good for my health... 8:06 PM - 12.13.11 Tuesday ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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