kah2004's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New. Well, first class went well. I truly forgotten how much fun and creative performing can be. It has been too long to count since I was last a performer. Finally, the perks of living downtown are showing (one that does not include food or drink!) Work is moving forward, yet falling backwards all at the same time. It is interesting watching the transitions as more holes develop. I am just hoping I can continue on a steady flow with the tide and end up with this pseudo goal in roughly a year's time. Still am not sure if I truly want it, but it is a comfortable and decent goal for the now. With my lease through next summer, I am still okay to see what the future may hold. And on the other hand... same shit different day. I am where I am because I need the space to carve my own way, and now that I have, I feel completely and utterly ostracized. For such a close system, it is very disheartening at the steady decaying of such. I am saddened by it every day but there is only so much I can do before I accept that my attempts are not wanted. My space has finally been decided and my unit is filled. Apart from the chores of dishes, cleaning and vaccuuming, I feel in my own. I really like it and the feel is of comfort. It feels like I can do or be or want for anything. My cut definitely helped me shed away and feel whole again. Every time I go short, I always wonder why I ever grew it out in the first place, but I always remember that my donations will never be in vain and that nothing is stopping me from one or the other. It is completely my choice. I'm also finding myself slowly pushing forward as a new name, a new face, a new person. I feel okay with this unconscious transition and am excited by what it will become. --- Like the leaves of the season being swept away on the wind, I shed my old and become anew. A new chance, a new thought, a new being. I am anew. --- 7:26 PM - 09.30.12 Sunday ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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